If you say so
by misha-cutie-pie
Summary: Set at the beginning of season 13, written before it aired. Dean is dealing with Cas’ death and remembering all they’ve been through. This is based on the song “If you say so” by Lea Michelle, which she wrote after Cory Monteith’s death.


It's been seven days since that awful day and Dean is not okay. He tries to pretend he is, and he knows Sam sees right through his bullshit, but he doesn't care anymore. He can't stop thinking about _him_. His friend, his family, his lover, his angel. Cas. The one person who knew him better than anyone —even Sammy. And now he's gone, with no way of bringing him back. He spends his days locked in his room, listening to the mixtape he made him, drinking anything he can find, and thinking about Cas.

He keeps remembering all they've been through, all they've shared. How they danced around each other for years, afraid of admitting out loud how much they cared for each other. Their first kiss. Their first time. Their first official date. Their little moments when they just enjoyed each other's company. And all their conversations, specialy the last one.

 _They were arguing about Cas helping Kelly and Dean was pissed. They were shouting at each other things they didn't mean, or more like it, Dean was. Cas would never hurt him. Dean said something awful about his past mistakes and the hurt he could see in Cas' eyes made him feel like a terrible person. Seeing his lover hurting because of him was breaking his heart. So he sighed and got closer until he could reach his chin and make him look at him. When their eyes met, he started to caress his cheek._

 _\- "Cas, I'm sorry. I didn't mean it. I know how you feel about that and I shouldn't bring it up. I was just... so mad. I'm so sorry. I love you. I'm just worried about you."_

 _* "Dean, I know you're worried. But you have to trust me. When he showed me the future, I saw paradise. I need to do this, please."_

 _\- "Cas..."_

 _Cas looked down, not wanting to see Dean looking at him with pity, as if he were a child who didn't know what he was talking about._

 _\- "I don't want to fight anymore. Let's talk about something else."_

 _Cas sighed and looked up._

 _* "Okay, Dean."_

 _\- "So, we haven't had a movie night in a long time."_

 _* "Let's have one right now, then" —said Cas with a smile._

 _Dean leaned down to kiss him softly and then took his hand and lead him to the bed. Dean chose a Western movie and cuddled with Cas on the bed._

 _Halfway through the movie, Cas started to stare at Dean as he said the lines of the movie along the actors. After a while, Dean turned his head to tell him to pay attention, but the love he saw in Cas' eyes made him kiss him instead. And so, their movie night ended up a little bit different that they were expecting. Not that they complained._

 _In the morning, Cas told Dean that he had to go back to Kelly, to take care of her. To avoid another fight, Dean just hugged him and kissed him. When they pulled away, Cas looked him in the eyes while running his fingers through his hair._

 _* "I love you, Dean."_

 _\- "I love you more."_

 _Cas smiled and stared at him for a few seconds._

 _* "If you say so."_

 _And with one last kiss, he left._

And here he is. Lying awake in the middle of the night, unable to sleep from the burning pain and the hunting thoughts of his... lover, partner, boyfriend... Nothing seems strong enough to explain what they shared.

It's been seven whole days since he last heard his voice, saw his face, felt his touch... And he can't get those words out of his head. He keeps expecting to hear his phone ringing, him on the other line; the door of the bunker opening to show his angel on top of the stairs; just to see him again, to know that he's okay.

He always thought they would be together forever. He knew Cas was it for him. There was no one else. He was so lucky to have found such a nice and amazing person who knew him better than he knew himself and who accepted and loved him even after all the bad things he had done. He thought they would... well, not grow old together, but he thought Cas would be there with him while he did. Guess he was wrong.

 _ **After the season 12 finale I was listening to this song and I instantly thought that it would be a cute story for Dean and Cas.**_

 _ **If you don't know the song, I recommend you listen to it. It's so beautiful! Sad, but beautiful.**_


End file.
